25 Little Known Facts....

I was just typing a new blog. It was going to be about 25 of the obscure facts about my life, things that not many people know, a few nobody knows, or they're not around anymore to know. Then, I read the list... I realized if I posted it, you would all run away from this blog, never to read the ramblings of such a freak again. So, I'm thinking of posting each as a separate entry. That way each one can be viewed on their own and you can understand me better.
The first notation was actually not that bad, but at the time I thought it was. During my early years, I spent alot of time at my Grammy's house. Later in life, that would be my house. My mom was really close to her mother so she'd often visit on the weekends. I'd go too, that way my father could have some peace and quiet.
One day, I was playing between my Grammy's house and her neighbor's. They had a nice house, with wooden shingles. I decided to be "bad". I took a small rock and carved a word on their wall. "FU** ". After I'd done it, I was shocked at myself. It was a little secret that only I knew. Then I went about my business, like it never happened. The next Sunday, I was there again, and I could see the word, as plain as day. Only this time, I felt a little ashamed.
No one said anything about it. The neighbors would walk right by it, the gardeners would mow right along side it. Grammy would hang her laundry 20 ft away. I couldn't understand why I hadn't been found out. Guilt started eating away at me. One night I couldn't take it anymore. After I'd been sent to bed, I walked into my mom's room, crying. She was worried, "What's the matter, are you sick?" "No, I said, I vandalized!!" I explained everything and my dad came in. I thought I was dead meat for sure, a spanking was imminent.
Mom looked at Dad and said I had just had a bad dream and could he put me back to bed... Even when I tried to tell the truth, no one believed me. I forgot about it for awhile, but it eventually came back (the guilt) and I finally told the priest at church. Finally, I was absolved and could move forward.
Years later, when the neighbors redid their shingles, I took one last look at my "handiwork". The one thing I noticed- it was really small!!

Springtime in Minnesota

What a glorious day to be outside- it was 58 degrees in my car, on the way home from Como Zoo in St. Paul. There were tons of people out, biking, running, walking the dogs, just enjoying the fresh air. Winter is fun at first, that initial snowfall, the first sledding of the season, but it feels like forever sometimes. It's so cold in Minnesota that when it snows, it just sticks around, and I just feel like hibernating. I try to consolidate all of my outdoor trips so I don't have to face the wind chill temps. Eventually I get crabby, not even wanting to do the simple things like going to the gym or play groups, I'd rather just mope and be warm.
When it finally melts though and you get this stretch of warm days, it's like everyone's in it together, everybody understands how great it is, and nobody wants to waste a minute. They know it can change in an instant. It's only March 15, it could snow again, probably will. I never can plant flowers here til at least May 15, that's if I'm lucky.
So today the four of us headed out to Como Zoo. It's such a wonderful place and it is still actually free! They ask for a small donation, but you don't have to. It was very crowded, some people had shorts on. One dude was jogging down the street with no shirt on and "short" shorts. There are always the ones who take it to extremes.
The animals seemed excited to be outside too. I could spend all day looking at the monkeys, gorillas, etc... The gorillas were outside eating snowballs. There was a sign that said that the gorillas will throw dirt and grass at the guests to establish their dominance. I think everybody was hoping that the gorillas would throw snowballs at us too, but it didn't happen- they just ate them. The orangutans and the tamarin monkeys both had had babies over the winter and were carrying them around- so small and cute, a true sign of spring. I have to say that the lions there are extremely frisky. Today, they were flirting and about a year ago we walking in on some serious mating.
We saw everything and then made our way home. We were going to stop for a car wash, but the cars were lined up around the corner, everybody wanting to get that salt and snow off their vehicles. So, we came home and my husband went to take a nap. I have to give him props because he'd been up since 3 pm yesterday, having worked both his part-time job and his full- time, overnight job. He just didn't want to be left behind, wanted to spend that time with us.
SO, I guess I'm off to the gym. I don't want to, but I have to go 8 times a month so that our insurance covers it. I'd much rather be walking one of the many walking/biking trails we have in Chaska. Having a gym membership is very helpful in the winter, but pesky in the summer.

I don't know why, but lately I've found myself doing many of the things I did as a kid. Maybe it's this Facebook business- there are just so many people from the past there, some of them I was really excited to reconnect with, like I'd thought of them over the years and now they were "real" again. Some people befriended me and it was like a nice surprise, a blast from the past, people that I just let escape my life for 20 years. I've got my oldest friend on there, my first babysitter, my date to the prom, and various other characters. I was playing that Mafia Wars game on Facebook, looking at my "mob", laughing that such a unique group would never come together in "real life". The whole thing gets me nostalgic though. Some people just add every person they know to their friends list, but never talk to any of them. I try to always say hi to everyone who friends me or vice versa, to establish some kind of a connection.
I get nostalgic for home and Rhode Island, where things were never simpler and easier for me. I was never in the "popular" crowd, although to this day I believe that was a good thing. I'm still not, so some things never change, lol...
I've been reading Nancy Drew mysteries over lately, going in order. I used to be so proud of myself because I could read an entire book in one day. My friends and I would pretend we were the characters, reenact scenes, run around the neighborhood and stop crime, silly stuff, but I remember all of it.
I've also been watching the Hallmark channel lately, watching old reruns of "Murder She Wrote". Now, Jessica Fletcher truly annoys me. I like her style for an older lady, but she's always intruding and wherever she goes, someone gets whacked. Yet, its one of the few shows I can remember watching with my family in the old days. We rented the bottom floor of a two-family house for years in Cranston, RI. It was one floor and we had televisions in almost every room in the house. When "Murder She Wrote" would come on, it'd be 8 o'clock on Sunday nights. Sometimes we'd watch together, but sometimes we'd all watch the same show in 4 different rooms. Yes, I said that. Half-way through the show, my dad would come around and ask us who the murderer was. Whoever got it right in the end might get a quarter or something, I'm not sure. It was silly, but it's a memory that I cherish, so I'm back to watching those old episodes.

The Boys are Playing, For Now...

I'm sitting here, just having eaten lunch. My two sons, ages 13 and 10, couldn't wait to go outside and play. The reason they are so excited is because it is 50 degrees out. For all of us in Minnesota, that is a big deal! It's been a very cold, very long winter. Sometimes I think I suffer from that SAD- Seasonal Anxiety Disorder. The last couple of weeks I have found myself feeling glum for no apparent reason.
Anyways, back to the kids. Yesterday we were sitting around at a friend of mine's when I just happened to look at my oldest son, Z's, face. I was drawn to his chin, where I happened to spot three long hairs coming out. I couldn't believe it- chin hairs! He's not yet 14! Isn't that too early, I panicked. He already has a thin mustache. We've just had him keep it because we think he's too young to deal with shaving, but chin hairs? Last night, we got the razor out and trimmed them away, but I know they'll be back.
For most of my children's lives, it's just been the four of us. I have devoted myself to raising them and teaching them, since I homeschool them too. I have always homeschooled them, I just wanted them to learn the things that I valued important in a safe and loving environment. We've been together constantly, but I always found activities, play groups, scouts, etc... for them to belong to, to have that "socialization" time.
Now, as they get bigger and look older, I see them becoming more independent. They want to go to different friends' houses, parties, etc... I can drop them off now and pick them up 2 hours later, I can go out shopping with my husband while they stay home and play. The house doesn't burn down, they are fine. They might call and check in, but more than likely it's us calling to check in with them. We never had babysitters so we never got to go out as a couple. Now we can and I actually like it. I thought at one time that maybe we'd have nothing to say to each other, but we seem closer than ever because we are becoming a couple all over again.
Still, I feel this ache in my heart, like this time will draw to an end before I know it, that everything will change again. Soon, they'll be driving, dating, college, excursions without us. I know it's all for the good, that they're becoming great people, that our relationships are solid, that I'll be able to let go when I have to. But I don't want to....
So, I'll cherish the fact that they are outside playing in the warm weather like the kids that they are, for now anyways...

Welcome To My World!

For many years now, I have been toying with the notion of writing a book. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a murder mystery, which is my favorite genre, or some kind of memoir of my experiences. I always felt that if I tried to do a story based on my life, that that would be too presumptuous, that maybe nobody would be interested. After all, I'm only 35, and I'm nobody famous. About a month ago, I decided to combine the two ideas and just start writing. I got about five pages in and was pretty satisfied. Then.... nothing. I didn't know where to go, I didn't think I was being true to myself by trying to fictionalize things. Plus, I have a lot of things to say and really don't want to wait years to say them.
So, after reading a couple of my friends' blogs, I've decided that this is the way to go, to just share my feelings "in real time". I'm calling this blog "Through the Looking Glass" because, simply put, for much of my adult life I've felt like I've been living in an alternative universe than everybody else, just like Alice did when she hopped down that hole to Wonderland. Things have happened and I've thought, "Are you for real?" or "Is it just me?" But no, the world moves on, and you just have to move with it.
My address is going to be "Scales of Existence" because I was born on September 28, making me a Libra on the Zodiac calendar. Everything about the Libra personality is me, truly. Mostly, its the decision-making. I'm a people pleaser and when I realize that something I am going to do will make some people less thrilled then others, I can sit there for hours going back and forth on something, practically making up my mind for one idea, then two hours later, convincing myself of the other. It drives my husband crazy!
Not to mention my desire for a stability that, at this point, I don't thing will ever come. I don't like change, I get panicky. Yet, since I was 19, I've moved no less than 12 times to 5 different states. I like Minnesota as much as anywhere I've ever lived, but even now, with 4 years here, I am starting to think about Florida, Connecticut, other places to try, or try again.
So, as I move along here, I plan to share my thoughts, my memories, my life. Hope some of you might like to join me!