College...

Last night, I got caught up in one of those Hallmark channel movies. It was called, "Mrs. Washington Goes to Smith", the opposite title of that old Jimmy Stewart movie. It was about this woman who was recently divorced, had quit college to get married and raise a family. She helped her husband through Dental School, only to have him leave her for a younger woman. Her kids were both in college themselves, and she was all alone. So, she decided to finish up her degree at Smith College and planned to live in the dorms there, even though she was in her mid-50's. She was planning on a single room, but by some mistake she ended up with a 20-year-old roommate, and from there, hijinks ensued. It was one of those movies that could easily be forgettable, no crazy plot twists, all the characters were pretty likeable, but I found myself really enjoying it, thinking "Hey, I want to do that, that looks like fun!"
You see, when I graduated high school I didn't go right to a dorm and "away". I was supposed to. I'd been accepted to the University of New Hampshire in Durham, and went to the orientation weekend earlier in the summer, etc... I actually drove myself in my little VW Rabbit. that I adored. After that something happened to me. I can't explain it, just some kind of emotional breakdown. I became increasingly panicked about the idea of moving away. I started hanging out with my mom more, doing things with my little brother. My mom thought I should talk to a therapist, but that didn't help at all, especially when the therapist suggested that I bring my mom in for some joint sessions. No way! I said, I can handle this myself. Eventually my classmates started to go off to school, and I stayed home. I ended up at the University of Rhode Island instead. I did want to live in a dorm , but they were all full at that time. So, I drove every day, early in the morning, to get to my 8am Astronomy class and would stay there all day. I joined the Debate team so I'd have something extra to do, but it's pretty hard to make friends on campus when you are 45 minutes out of the loop. I actually didn't mind though, it was like a self-imposed exile that I needed. I did everything on my own, went to the movies by myself, learned alot. My mom though, was not happy. This was not the college experience that she envisioned for me. I don't know what she envisioned- "Animal House", I don't know, but this was one mom that wanted her daughter to party and have fun, remaining celibate, of course:) Realistic much?
So, by the end of that first year. I had had enough and was more than ready to go away. I decided to go to Northeastern in Boston. When I got there I fell in love with the dorm and the city. My dorm, Smith Hall, was full of transfer students, most of whom were a year or two older than me. My roommate was from New Jersey, and she was already 21. I was still 18 that September, but turned 19 shortly after. I remember the first or second night on campus, all the floor wanted to go to a bar, and they gave me a fake id. I was so nervous because I'd never gone to one before. The guy looked at it, looked at me, and gave it back. I looked NOTHING like the girl on the license, but it worked. I made some good friends there and as the fall went on, really got into school. In some ways, I think I was like a kid sister to most of the guys. Our dorm was really old, so the rooms were all different sizes and a door closed 6 rooms off to the rest of the floor, so we were our own little area, hanging out, watching movies, drinking, etc... I didn't drink that much because I knew what would happen if I did- I'd get drunk and act like a fool, which is why I don't drink much now.
If it wasn't for one person, I know I would have finished school: John, and believe me, it is NOT a regret, just a fact. I had met him the summer before at a sandwich shop in RI and we cliqued right away, became inseparable. When I left for Boston, I knew that we could end things, go casual, that that's what lots of other people would do. Not me though. I knew I wanted the distance relationship, so my time was always conflicted. I went home alot of weekends. Again, my mom got sick of me coming home, wanting me to "experience college" and not worry about home, etc... etc... Did I listen? No, I just spent the weekend at John's house, sleeping in his sister's room.
By April of that school year, I was done with my year at Northeastern and getting ready for an internship at a newspaper in Bristol, RI. Northeastern's great at helping people get internships to help further a career later. John, meanwhile, was having increasing difficulties in his own home life and wanted to leave, go to California, where he had friends from when he spent the previous year at USC. He never begged me to go with him, probably didn't even think it was the right thing for me to do, but I loved him. So, finally after one pretty big fight with his mother, he said tonight was the night, he wasn't going back, and did I want to come? I didn't hesitate. We left and nothing was ever the same. First we went to Myrtle Beach to try to get jobs there, but we had nowhere to live. A couple of weeks later we came back and I saw my mom. She was not happy, of course, but I'd been calling her while I was on the road. Finally, we decided to go to Cali and try to make it out there. We took the Greyhound Bus and arrived there 4 days later. We got jobs and made a go of it for 8 months, until we realized we wanted more for ourselves than renting a room in someone's house, asking mall patrons what they thought of the new Hanes Underwear packages that had just come out. We had fun though, going to Hollywood, Mann's Chinese Theatre, Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm. I remember going to Knott's Berry Farm on my 20th birthday because it was free for anyone whose birthday it was. Then for dinner we went to Denny's because that was free if it was your birthday as well!
So, eventually we got married and had kids and the thought of going back to college got further and further away. Lately though, it's been creeping back up, getting closer and closer. Since I'm married, I guess I won't do the dorm thing (darn!), but I definitely like the idea of campus life, finishing what I started. I think I'll be either a social worker or a teacher. It might still be awhile, because I'm still focusing on the boys, but it's getting closer...