Friends

This week I lost a friend. She didn't die or anything like that. She just decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore.
Anna was someone I met about 8 years ago in Connecticut. We first met through a secular homeschool group that we had both joined. Her daughters were a few years older than my sons, so our friendship was pretty much born on its own merits, not from the kids. She's a deeply religious person, and I was always trying to find my footing in that regard. When my marriage was going through a rough time, she was one of the people that lifted my spirits and was always there with an ear. When we moved to Minnesota, she and her husband sold us a couch and gave us various books and even inscribed one,
"May you always find happiness and may the Lord bless you and give you peace. Your friend always" Anna.
I guess it just goes to show always doesn't necessarily mean forever.
The truth though is that Anna never really changed from the lady I met so many years ago. It was me who had changed. Back in the Connecticut days, I didn't have many outside contacts. The kids were little, and I spent most of my time with them or at work. I was a cashier at Home Depot for most of my time there. When I'd meet someone new, it was always with the hope that they'd really like me. I tended to "mold" myself into whatever kind of person they needed me to be. If they were religious, I could always offer up a good conversation about God, but if they were not, then I was always ready with a witty comment and a risque joke or two. I've always said I've been kind of a chameleon. If I had a friend who loved football guess where I'd find myself on Sunday afternoons, or Nascar, or knitting, etc...
After I moved near the Twin Cities two years ago, I found that part of my personality slowly change. It came back a little bit last year, then finally, I think, went away for good. I've met so many different groups of people here, and they are all so unique and different with their ideas and beliefs. I think that being around so many confident women has helped me to realize I don't need to do things to "please" others, that if they don't like me for the "real" me, then the friendship isn't real to begin. There's definitely been ebb and flow. I find myself having different common interests with different people at different times. Yet I like them all. If they don't like me, then that's ok too. I'm just not going to pretend so they will. I used to be shy to have people over because we have a townhome apartment, and I wasn't sure if people would look down on me for that. I used to be afraid to tell people that I don't like a certain game that they are playing for fear I wouldn't be invited back, etc... etc...
For the record, I'm a 36 year-old homeschooling mother of two boys. I am Catholic, but I don't visit church every week either, but we study the Bible at home. I am socially conversative, but believe in equal rights for gays and lesbians. I believe in the death penalty for child murderers. I love watching all types of movies, from Harry Potter to American Psycho, watching all types of shows- from Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods to Lost to Criminal Minds, all kinds of music- from Beethoven to Black-Eyed Peas to the Killers. I love to travel and get bored sitting at home for too long. I believe in many conservative principles, especially surrounding less government intrusion. I can't stand President Obama. I don't swear on an everyday basis, but when I do, stand back. I have a temper, but it is far less than what it was even 5 years ago. I like all kinds of people. I don't like to just sit around having pretentious conversations, but can jump in if I need to. I'd honestly rather discuss pop culture, but I'm also up-to-date on all the current news.
So, when Anna yelled at me on my Facebook page for using the word "bitch" in a Lost quote I just decided to stand up for myself. I couldn't deal with having to apologize for something I didn't think was wrong in the first place. I told her she could either be my friend or unfriend me, this is who I am. She chose the latter and I say oh, well. Suck it!!