Feelings...

If you've been reading along, you know that I have made a lot of new friends over the past year and a half. With that always comes a lot of good things, but also issues to deal with. Lately, there have been concerns about hurting people's feelings or they themselves have been hurt by others.
Sadly, I think that it is almost unavoidable to go through this life, if you are being honest, without hurting feelings. The older we get, the more baggage we bring to our relationships, the more likes and dislikes we have. After a few meetings with people, it can become apparent that some people you will have alot in common with, while others you will just see peripherally. You might very well like these people, but have nothing in common with them. Sometimes, it can take longer. There's several people I am really enjoying getting to know now, that I wasn't sure I was going to click with originally.
So, with time relationships progress, and this is where I wrote in a previously blog, that the "real" me comes out. Then people have to decide, do they like that person, or is it better to be friends in passing. Over the winter I had a situation with a friend whom I really like, her children were great, and we were spending some evenings together. The problem for us ended up being religion. She's very involved with her church, and I am not so much. She's Protestant and I'm Catholic, but even then I don't go to church regularly. I don't believe that I have to sit in a building and hand over money every week to prove my love to God. I like to pray with the kids and teach them the Bible. Then, let them come to their own conclusions. It got to the point that each time I saw my friend, she was inviting me to her church, talking to me about their programs, etc... It really started to annoy me. I finally told her that I enjoyed being her friend, but that I would not be joining her church, ever, and that she should stop asking me about it. After that, things were a bit tense for a couple of months, we didn't see each other that much. Now, things are back to normal, and they just visited this week, without the church talk. The point of this story is to illustrate that I had to speak up or I wouldn't have been honest with myself. The me from 10 years ago probably would have visited her church for a number of weeks, worked myself up into a tizzy, and then cut all ties with her and other members of the homeschool group we belong to. Luckily, I have grown and have learned to speak up.
So, the bottom line is we all have to be honest with ourselves. If we enjoy spending time with certain people more than others, that's okay! If we don't want to hang out for a couple weeks, if we need to pull back, that's okay too! If we like a large variety of different people, that's okay! I have two very different homeschool groups and you know what, I love all the moms there, but don't agree with everybody in either one all the time- that's okay!
When I was in 4th grade I had my last birthday party- yes, my mother actually told me after that I was too old for parties- sigh... There were about 11 girls in the class. I wanted to invite them all, except one. This girl I barely spoke to, and when I did, it wasn't pretty. When I filled out the invitations I left her off the list. My mom though, had a copy of the class list and saw this omission. "No, no," she said, "You have to invite all the girls, it's only fair. You wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings. You have to show empathy." Blah, blah, I thought, but I did it anyway. You know what? 10 girls came and 1 didn't. Go figure...